I Don't Know Who You Are Anymore

I Don't Know Who You Are Anymore

• 5.10.2017

When I got married, most of my unmarried friends disappeared. A few friends kept in contact here and there, but most of them just fell off the face of the earth. When I'd run into them, small talk was rather uncomfortable. It was like they were strangers. What changed (beside the fact that I now had a husband)? Nothing.

Then I got pregnant and had my son -- another friend filter. I had even less friends than before. I was maybe talking to two girlfriends that weren't related to me and that's sort of upsetting. I just didn't get it. I'm the exact same person I was before. All that changed was the fact that I can't drop everything to hang out with them because I have a few more responsibilities than I did when I was single. So why were they punishing me for that?

I still wanted to grab that occasional cup of coffee, but everyone just pretended like they didn't know me. In the rare occasions that someone did want to talk to me, they'd ask how married life was like -- which was fine, but in reality, being married, having a husband, and a baby doesn't define me 100%

I still had interests and passions, but no one really cared about them. It was a lonely path. One that I've gotten used to.

I've come to the conclusion that lifestyle changes and shifts define the strong friendships. The people that are really your friends are the ones who don't stop talking to you after big life changes. The ones that try to keep in contact no matter the circumstance -- those are the friends I want even if I can count them on one hand.

choose people that choose you.

I often wonder if once they get married and have children, they'll try to rekindle the friendship. I don't mean to sound bitter, but sometimes I think that I wouldn't want to because it would mean that my friendship is situational and that's just crummy. 

I will say that I am thankful for Instagram for connecting me to some wonderful mamas and allowing me to make some mama friends that are around my age. It's nice to have people around who just get it. 

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I guess all I'm trying to say with this post is that friends that become wives and then mothers can still be good friends even if you're single and feel like you have nothing in common with them. Don't throw away a good friendship just because one of you starts a family.